I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
