4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
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Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
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You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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