you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
