should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
