Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
