I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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