Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
