we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
