I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just pee around me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
