You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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