You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
