Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
