So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
