Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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