Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Randomize
