Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
