i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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