You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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