So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
