upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
