Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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