Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
