i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
