piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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