Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
