Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.