Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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