I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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