I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
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im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
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I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already