Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
