she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
