need another drink. this is the easiest way
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
