gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
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