that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
