As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
