PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
