i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
