One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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