Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Sorry about my life...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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