We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
did i walk over a car last night?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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