physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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