bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
