yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
