I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
