I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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