tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
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you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
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I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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