she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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