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I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
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