you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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