Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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