it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
