i wish my penis had a tongue
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
