Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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