The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
