She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
