I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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