You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Still dying that you shit outside
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
