I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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