If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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