I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
