Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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