Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
