this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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