omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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