corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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