a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
