i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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