I just cut my nipple shaving
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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