At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i love accidental penises.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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