I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
