You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
