Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize