Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
